Because I'm a Rocket Mannnnnn...

Ah Vegas.... How I love it. Seriously one of the best trips ever!!! Jessica and Jana are pretty much fabulous and we had an absolute blast! Here are some highlights :

*We went to see Criss Angel's Cirque De Soleil Believe. It was good.... but I am pretty sure Criss thinks he is Jesus.. just saying. At the end of the show he pointed out the Perez Hilton was in the audience.... and the proceded to say "Perez is the biggest Douche bag, Ass hole in the whole F'ing world". HAHA totally hilarious and deserved. Perez talks a lot shit on his blog about Mr. Angel. But you better believe the second that show was over, Chub face Perez booked it oughta there. Seriously... booked it out in his bizarre light gray suit. Listen, I talk a lot of shit as does Perez and if you can't handle getting it in return STOP TALKING SHIT! He might want to rethink his profession... maybe he would be good at telemarketing or a door greeter at Sam's.

*We went dancing two nights at the club at Treasure Island (where we stayed). It was Christian Audgier who makes Ed Hardy's club. VERY FUN! We met some crazy ass brit's there. We attract the funniest people... it's our sparkling personalities. I also made friends with a couple of bouncers.. one of which keep calling me Reesey...for Resse Witherspoon which was pretty flattering. For whatever reason I kept calling on bouncer Clubby. He thought it was pretty funny.... Heeeeey Clubby.

* We went to the wax museum and I took a picture with my messiah... Mr. Barack Obama. Also I took a picture of me grabbing Michael Jackson's sick ass nose... I'm odd.

*We layed by the pool and got our tan on. Turns out I am still white.... awesome.

*Got to go to the Elton John's The Red Piano show at Ceasers. OK, seriously BEST.... SHOW... EVER!!!! He is such a legend and a 100% talented! He was fabulous and as it turns out, pretty obsessed with boobs. I mean really, a giant pair of blown up boobs came down at one point. Totally random and totally awesome! Ha! Also, the guy that played Greg Brady was sitting a couple of rows behind us. Turns out nobody besides us recognized him and it made Jess sad. Haha, and no we didn't approach him... we didn't want to be "those" girls. O who am I kidding, we are those girls.

*On the way down we stopped in St. George because someone told me that on Thursday the polygy's were all at Wal Mart so we stopped.... Uh no. TOTAL BUST! Which I was totally upset because everyone knows I have a complete obsession with the polyg's. Silly sister wives....

Anyways, totally fun! This weekend the husband and I are going to the exciting city of Boise for Jeff to compete for Jiu Jitsu. He has been on this crazy ass diet and has lost a ton of weight. So for every 10 pounds he has lost, I have gained 65. Yeah, I think I am up to 350... which is really attractive. All my friends are losing weight too... bitches... I am just jealous because my goal of having a crane take me out of my house is coming a long and at a speedy pace.
You guys, I really don't have a lot to say tonight.... hmmmm, what to say... what to say.... Anybody have any ideas....?
I guess I am done so I will leave you with my favorite Elton John song. He is fabulous and I want to be his bestie and pick out his wild sunglasses...

Welch's grape

So since my last blog was a completely humiliating and kinda depressing this should be a little better. Jessica sent me a pretty much awesome email of crazy poodle dye jobs and haircuts. This is the poodle I intend to buy for my parents...since it is incredibly fitting! Welch grapes at it's finest!!!
I am so boring these days... I really don' t have much to say. Who knew that was even possible. However, I am having a fab time with my family in town. I wish they lived closer. I am pretty excited for Trey to move here. He is hilarious you guys....And my parents are pretty much awesome. Biggie did lot of handy man work for me.. THANKS BIG!!! I need to also post a picture of my new awesome turquoise wall in my kitchen and my sweet new glasses to match. Haha, being an adult is so lame hahaha, the things we get excited over... paint and houseware.
So I had a total bitch today at the salon. I love doing people's hair that are white trash. I pretty much live for it. She brought her 5 year old with her, who proceeded to run his remote control car into my feet. Perfect... I really like when people don't discipline their kids... it makes things pretty enjoyable since I love kids. She paid me in cash and I didn't even think to check. Yeah, she totally shorted me... stupid bitch. Sorry Mama and Biggie... but that is totally necessary.

Anyways, that is pretty much it since I need to go rinse the bleach off my teeth before they are transparent... Have an awesome Easter and have some candy.... that is what it's all about right? What's better then a Reese's shaped like an egg.... totally genius !!

6 feet.... really?

Ok... where to start... Well, for those of you that don't know, a few weeks ago I had a scare that in turn landed me in Urgent Care... then a doctors office upstairs in Urgent Care....then a specialist... then a colonoscopy today. They needed to see if I had colon cancer.... WHICH I DON'T!!! I could not be more happy today!! Now that I am in the clear, I thought where else would be a better place to share my horrific experiences then on my blog... Perfect. This has been a very uncomfortable, and now that it is over... at some point humorous event. ** Viewer discretion advised**

Now... let's first start with the most humiliating experience of my life, the doctors office. Ya know.... I wont go into details with anything but by the time I left, I had fished through the toilet for a stool sample, carried the bowl with sample back through the office in an open bowl, figured out I didn't put the sample in the right thing, felt like a complete jack ass, had a complete stranger violate me, and cried so much while giving blood that I made the nurse cry. Mortifying... and only now can I laugh at myself not getting the sample thing right.
Next, a week later... I have to go to a specialist. Hmmmm.... not a to bad experience... I guess for discussing with a complete stranger my B.M. tendencies. I had to meet with a very small older man, wearing ugly black nurse shoes who was the office P.A. He actually was very nice... all things considered. But in the end... said what I was dreading... Colonoscopy. Really... because I am 24! SHIT! (no pun intended there)
2 weeks go by.... they call me with my time and tell me I can go pick up my prep kit at the pharmacy. So Sunday, I drank nothing but clear liquids and had Popsicles. What a lovely diet. Only to in turn be in the bathroom for a better part of a few hours. You guys, I am just saying... If you saw Sex and the City the movie... I almost had a few Charlotte moment... yikes.
The day comes.... now by this point, I am seriously dragging ass. No food for 36 hours... pretty much bare minimum sleep for the past three weeks stewing about this event. I was anxious to know results and scared for the worst. Cancer. I know that all the odds were in my favor but in the back of my mind... I was so scared that I am not sure how I functioned the last 3 weeks. Poor Jeff... He has been so wonderful to put up with me being an emotional roller coaster these past weeks. So, we go check in at the G I Lab, this was going to take me longer then most because I am having gas anesthesia because I don't do needles... and for colonoscopy's they usually just do a sedation thingy, but oh no, not for me. Don't worry EVERYONE in the waiting room was 60+, and either wearing not cute flannel, had a mullet or I am pretty sure not all there. And of course I am already crying because lets be honest... I am a freaking basket case when it comes to anything medical. Yeah I am a total ass. So, they take me back and the nurse explains to me they will be sticking 6 FEET OF SCOPE up through my intestines. Yeah, Hi... 6 feet.... that is a person, so I start to ball. The poor nurse... she gives me hospital get up to change into and closes the door aaaannnnnnddd again start the water works. I put it on and I know that shit is on size fits all, but apparently OSFA is for 400 pounders. Had to hold my pants up and my top together. The socks were very comfortable. Yeah I brought those babies home. Anyways, we open the door and a nurse walks by and see's I a mess so she comes in and gives me a hug and some warm blankets. She is talking to me about the procedure and everything, I ask how often they do gas anesthesia for people and they lady tells me..."Well, we have had a few people have it so your not the first. It's usually people that are mentally handicapped that don't understand IV's." Jeff and I busted up laughing, which at this point I really needed. So I said Oh great I am lumped now into the mental disorder category. That girl was back tracking like you wouldn't believe... I wasn't insulted though. I know she wasn't saying that about me. It was pretty funny. SO Jeff and I part ways and they take me back to the room. Turns out one of the RN's is a girl I knew from Pleasant View. Oh good, somebody I know will be in there while a complete stranger sticks a camera in my ass... charming. Then the doctor came in. Now, I have never met this man before because when I went to their office before I met with the PA. Apparently in the GI lab they are pretty casual because he wasn't in scrubs. Dude comes in straight up in a flannel and jeans with this lumber jack beard. Real professional, looks like he is missing a hard hat and a chain saw, on his way to do some loggin'. With no scrubs on, he then proceeds to put on a white apron to do the scope... looking like a straight up butcher now about to cut up some meat and that's when the gas which was strawberry scent puts me out. And that's it. I wake up and they tell me no cancer and that everything is alright.

I could not be happier! The past few weeks I have been a mess... I was preparing myself for the worst.. which in turn was making me crazy. Thank you to all my family and friends for being so supportive and amazing to me through all of this. This will be an experience that I wont soon be forgetting. Hopefully the blog wasn't to scary for anyone haha. Moral of the story... I still hate anything medical, and colonoscopy's = 0% fun.

You say I'm crazy... I got your crazy

I love the Britney's song Circus! She is awesome and I don't care if you judge because she is and everyone has a favorite Britney song. This is one of mine :




Vegas has come and gone... well at least for 6 more weeks haha. I'm in demand people! We went to a couple of shows and walked down Fremont Street (Old Strip) which I had never done. We didn't get to walk all of it but it was pretty cool. I got a pretty sweet poker visor that says Las Vegas! All I am missing with that hat is a fanny pack, high ponytail, some crocs and a yard stick drink! haha We went to this restaurant at the Excalibur called Dick's. It is hilarious, the waiters are rude on purpose, make you these offensive hats, yell at you from across the resturant and if you play along its really fun. They made me a hat that said "Blonde is Fake, Slut is real" HAHA, rude... but funny! I posted some pictures for your viewing pleasure... I look awesome in all of them :)











Also my fabulous sister Steph as started a new blog about Frugal Finds. You guys she a sale shopping wizard! She always finds the best stuff, I added her like on the side so check it out. She finds stuff daily!

Anyways, I am gonna go to bed because I am bored with this! BYE!

It's late and a list seemed like a good idea :)

I can't believe that Bubba has been gone a year.... that went by fast!! I miss him so much!! This next year better fly by! He is such an amazing guy and has really been a big brother to me and a great friend! But I know he is doing something that he loves and that is important him so I guess I'll shut up. Well at least about that... :)




Well people, on Saturday morning I will be making my tri-annual homage to Vegas. I am pretty excited.... I actually stopped typing to dream about nudey men shows, the chimes of slot machines, and the "fresh" Vegas air!

So, on facebook I made a list of random things about myself, I kinda have fun making a list so I am going to do another because well, I can't sleep people and I have nothing to do and the pood's don't want to play...so whatever I'm lame I know.

*Marshmallows have recently become a favorite snack of mine... and the pood's
*I am notorious for buying clothes on sale and never wearing them... ever.
*If I had bigger balls, I would love to get a sleeve tattoo.
*I hate when people don't say bye on the phone and just hang up
*I don't think it's fair that some people never have to exercise or diet and have kick ass bodies. I actually hate people like that ha
*I am always playing with my hair... always checking for 1 of 234545 split ends
*I love summer and ride with the windows down
*I love to do the classes at Golds Gym, I do 3 a week with Jess, Katie and Celina
*I feel it is unfair the way people treat me and the things they feel like the can say to me when they find out I don't want kids... I actually had people say the following things to me :
-That's the saddest thing I have ever heard! (- Really? No...really?)
-What are you going to do when you get old? (- Are kids a retirement plan?)
-How do you think that makes people feel that want kids? (-I can't control that or their feelings, I'm not being malicious)
-How is that fair for your family? (-Uh What?)
-Isn't that a little selfish? (-Actually, I think its the exact opposite)

*Sometimes I get off on tangents... ha
*I actually enjoy math... not like X+Y>Z(a-b), like everyday math, book keeping stuff
*My 2 "big" little brothers are the greatest guys in the world
*My sisters and I are all very different but fabulous in each of our own ways and each a best friend of mine
*I like to swear... and I don't care what people think
*Private blogs I think are a joke... your not Jennifer Aniston!
*I have a weird fashion sense, not sure if that is a good or a bad thing
*I heart history
*People are intimidated by me... not sure why
*Just because a relative sends you a friend request doesn't mean I have to accept. GET THE HINT ALREADY!
*People that don't use professional hair products, make me nervous
*I am opinionated, and I am not afraid to express my thoughts.
*Scoot and Troy filled holes in my heart that I didn't think could be filled
*I have the worlds greatest friends. They look out for me, because I tend to put others needs before my own
*I like to give people gifts
*Jeff makes me laugh on a daily basis... he is my world and I feel so lucky to have found someone to love me unconditionally and my family.
*I love when there is a reason to party or celebrate!!
*I'm kind of a big deal :)

WOW this list was way longer then I thought it would be... oops haha. Anyways, hope this didn't bore anyone... I need some better material. geeeeez. I like to know who reads my blogs so comment away :)

Sometimes I wear a Halo....

So good news I didn't die last Wednesday when I had my jaw thingy done. So you guys can cheer up, you will have more blogs... I know that's what people live for, what I have to say... :) That being said... THANKS to everyone that called, texted, stopped by!! I have the best family and friends!! Really everyone thanks! So, since they had to give me an I V for anesthesia, they had to give me a Valium before the procedure. I don't know what all they hype is about, it did 0% for my anxiety... which in turn led me to ball my eyes out walking into the office.... filling out my paperwork.... on the way back to the room.... while they put the gas mask on... When I say ball, I mean waterworks people! Geeeeez I am pathetic! I think that next time I ever have to have surgery that Valium will have to chased with a shot of rum. Haha KIDDING Mama and Biggie, kidding.

So this weekend we went to my friend Christie's Heaven and Hell Party! It was very fun. The upstairs had balloons covering the ceiling that were white and baby blue, and then downstairs all the light bulbs were changed to red lights and the ceilings were covered in red and orange balloons. It turned out very cool.... it came at a price though. I got to be the friend that tied 99% of the balloons. My fingers were pretty much raw. Nice... I like that all the girls but 2 of us dressed up like devils. I thought it would be a nice change of pace to be an angel. Maybe there is something to being good and following all the rules.... NAH!






Well I know you will all be shocked to your core with this next statement but try to hold back your shocking remarks. I am going to Vegas not this Friday but the next!!! Yeah, I pretty much have a love affair going with Vegas. I am going with Cellen, Jessica (Law School Jessica) and Aimee. It's Jess's spring break. I haven't been in like 4 months so I am going through HHHUUUGGGEE withdrawals! I know Biggie is shaking his head because I know how much he loves when I go to Vegas and come back with stories of how the male strippers know me by name.... What's a girl to do? :)
I am back to bleaching my teeth pretty regularly, so I am guessing by June they will be transparent? Ha siiick!! I also went tanning today for the first time in a hot minute and Hi, my chest is pretty much red. It ought to be a real gem tomorrow morning, so a bra is going to feel real REAL nice. Anyways I am done with this for tonight.

Seriously? No Really... Seriously?

SERIOUSLY!?!!? I want to shank some people :

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=5670160


I am embarrssed to live in Utah, for occasions like these...